ABOUT

Derealization can be defined as “a sense of experiencing one's own behavior, thoughts, and feelings from a dreamlike distance.” i began experiencing feelings of derealization in the eighth grade, but my symptoms worsened junior year.

My world shifted dramatically from what i had known to a dream like place where i did not feel fully present.  as i began to research this disorder, i found that there was no magical cure or medicine, except rigorous talk therapy. after a year, i began to give up and let it consume me.

But, by my junior year something changed. alongside my friend mary, i began to draw. i started drawing something completely out of my comfort zone. i drew these surreal blob creatures alongside captions, that could be called strange or disturbing, such as a tooth that said ‘crunchy’. these drawings were a manifestation of my derealization. 

They mirrored the same feelings of confusion and strangeness i would experience whlie dissociated. it seemed silly at first, but i began to draw them often. i drew them on the board in my classes as a joke, but it became a habit. everyday without fail, i would draw them on the board first bell.

In fact, the more ‘unreal’ i was, the more complex and great the drawings were. fellow students began to talk about my creations, laugh at them, and take pictures of them. on days where I felt so isolated, seeing how my drawings made people happy means the absolute world to me. i felt less alone, and was able to gain inner peace with my situation. 

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